it had been messy here.i'm still feeling dizzy from time to time.the fact is that i'd been sick all year long.
i'd like to be lighter,brighter,happier.
i went to see scofield the other night,he was playing with his trio.what can i say beside noting he is the man.alex,john,and june were there,but we didn't get much chances to talk,since i was late,and the falafel is really not an ideal food for a clumsy guy like me.no matter how i tried to manage my bite,it was always a mouthful.all i can do was stare while alex was telling his story.
then june showed,she had a new job which she just quited that night,right after she was hired by some other.since her old boss seems to be this nasty,fastidious character,yet june somehow sympathized with her behaviors.june the writer,is able to fill the slots of causes for all sorts of absurdities.
"everyone is just a material then." john's consolation whenever june was annoyed.
that would be her way to fend off the world,to write it down then maybe get entertained by the ever compulsive human behaviors.
here are some lines i re-read today,by ibi kaslik.
"we'll not live like this.they will try to bury us with false manifestoes,inscribe us in wars against false enemies but we'll sing songs about dying from loving the wrong cowboy and gospel; our bodies will burn in effigies of promise. i swear"
from the booklet of stars' album,"set yourself on fire." a lot people,even some of you would love it,i like it ok.man,how much i hate to just to "like it ok".love is getting harder to come by as i get older.
val loves kaslik's "skinny",it's about relationship between two sisters,i'm not sure.later on i found out kaslik has those penetrating,light colored eyes,just like val's.can't help but wonder if she loves kaslik's work just for that,val's narcism has always been blatant.
anway,i found those lines beautiful earily today,but too much anger for me.even tho the fury is rightfully placed.i'd be that pissed off sometimes,but not on paper.maybe that's the reason i like them,emotionally raw yet coated in grace.
maybe the anger turned into humor for me.i'm allowed to joke with the horrible.it's my way to fend off the world.but everything is so wrong,people are so stupid to a degree that's not funny anymore.air-headed,hypocritical politicians,short-sighted policy,gullible voters,anti-cerebral, narrow-minded society.those are not funny anymore.the world is so ridiculous,almost like a parody to some other,"serious" real world.
we all might be living in a joke. a bad sketch gone too long.
i can't laugh at them now as i couldn't be angry at them before.i don't even know what is real and what's not.now i'm just confused.
what's going to happen next?giving up the human race in a whole?
oh,actually i did find something lovely,they are scofield/dejohnette/golding 's saudades.and bill mchenry's feat.paul motian.how odd music,something so nil in our regular three-dimensional world(ephemeral if in four-dimensional)is the realest and nearest to me.
love makes it so,love makes things real and nigh.
