firejelly16

Bitter. Bitter sweet. Millie sipped the fourth cup of coffee of the day. Without sugar, without milk, just like the way she knew Art likes his. Not all the way though, she added a whole teaspoon of sugar in the last quarter. She smiled.

She saw Art leaning forward with labyrinths of disdained wrinkles on his forehead, scowling at her.

“It’s like drinking sugar water...complemented with coffee…” Millie poked out her tongue at him, and then daintily licked the sprinkles off her finger tips. She slowly drew the cup to her lips, watching his nose twitch, his eyes narrow.

Like a child playing with a light switch. On. Off. On. Off. Knowing what will happen made her feel powerful. Powerful and important. Like the way she feels when the cat always purrs without fail when she scratches his chin. She took a big sip, staring directly back at him with wide innocent eyes.

Bitter. Just Bitter. The sugar no longer sweetened the liquor, and Art was not there to wrestle the cup off her hands. But Millie finished her drink anyway. After all, it made her sleep at night.

I’ve only met the French lady three times, yet I will always remember her. I refer to her as the French lady because I never found out her name. However she was not French, nor did she spoke any French. I volunteer once a week in the aged care ward in Prince of Wales hospital, and that’s where I met her. The first time I saw her, she was sleeping. I sat next to her bed reading a book. Suddenly, she woke up, wild eyed, grabbed my hand and asked me “How’s the war going on in France?”

Ok. Finally I can get away from this hell. Haven't been sleeping very well at all, every night I would lie in bed, mentally going through taking a history, doing an examination, going through physiology flow diagram, and then panic. And then I would wake up feeling like I haven't sleep early in the morning, woken up by palpitations as my heart races and races and races…well, at least the good thing is I knew the medical jargon for that. Palpitation. Then I would take my own pulse, and talk through a cardiovascular history to myself. Hmmm, one man show huh.

Any way, so yesterday was all over in the afternoon. Traveled to Liverpool hospital which is about 50 minute drive from my place. The annoying thing is I couldn’t do anything in the morning, just pacing. And when I remembered that I should measure my finger’s length so I could estimate the liver span. My finger shook when I tried to put the ruler next to my finger. It just trembled and trembled, so much I couldn’t read a proper reading. Anyway, index finger is 7 cm if anyone is interested XD.

And then I paced some more, couldn’t eat, and went to sit out in the sun.

Before I left, I checked the 5^th time that I had my stethoscope, my hospital ID, my torch, a pen, and my tendon hammer just in case. could never be too prepared. And two extra battery for my torch.

Ok. So I’m here at the hospital, following the wobbly writing on my diary…go up stairs, turn right etc…my friend who had exam at the same time told me she’s no longer sitting the exam, and was deferring it. Two guys were already there sitting at the outpatient place where we are suppose to meet. I don’t know them very well, as we were all based at different hospital previously (we can’t have our exam at our own hospital). 3 guys and 2 girls including me in the end. We sat there, giving each other last minute tips XD. Check the tuning fork frequency, look confident, check expiry date for urinary analysis strip…ask age…

We saw the six students before us being escorted out of the hospital so they wouldn’t have a chance to talk to us. They were all smiling and laughing.

So this was the deal. We were led to a small corridor with rooms on either side. We have 15 minutes each where we have to take a history, and do an examination, 6 rooms all together. All 5 of us student will rotate through the 6 rooms. A masculine voice would prompt ‘3 minutes to go’ and those train station bell that goes do do do do (going up in tone) will indicate end of session, where we have to leave the room, wash our hand and change station.

1)      gardener has a cough. Take a history, take respiratory rate and peak flow…The patient looked really bored, trust me, she looked bored and annoyed.

2)      Guy came in for a general check up, take history. Do a Weber’s and Rhinne’s test and urine analysis. The examiner sat away from us and was typing on his computer the whole time??!! What was he doing.

>< had soooo much trouble putting on the gloves @#%@% So I requested to report back while putting on my gloves (felt forever, maybe 1 minute? I felt like the dummest person in the world). And I didn’t end up finish the urine analysis, I dipped the strip in, took it out…and do do do do…goes the tone. And let me just say, they gave us the wrong frequency tuning fork…grrr

3) um..let’s see. Lady who has a mother with dementia, been feeling forgetful and was worried that she might have dementia as well. So take a history and do a mini mental test, and take blood pressure. This time it’s a real patient. She was really good, and really helpful. Trust me, I think I would fail mini mental if I did it then, I couldn’t even remember the three words I told her to remember. For this one, there was no indication for 3 minutes to go, and when I was wrapping the cuff around the patient for blood pressure. The 2#%@#^ tone went off again. My examiner rushed out, to explain that I didn’t get the warning, and I was allowed to continue, and I obtained the blood pressure in first go!!!!!! Yeah go me =)

4) Ok. Person who’s brother had hear attack, worried that he might get it. Take a history, look at JVP, feel for oedema and take peripheral pulse. My memory is slowly deteriorating here. Patient told me he quit smoking, and later on I asked him if he has ever thought about cutting down…and then I smacked my head said, of course you’ve given up…And for JVP, I asked him to take off his shirt..and he said..do you want me to get on to the bed first. @#^%@ Of course, 45 degree for looking at JVP. Anyway, the student patient was really nice. When I was reporting I forgot how many cigarettes he used to smoke, and he mouthed it to me =) THANK YOU! Had a bit of problem palpating pulses. Otherwise fine, I guess. I was asked to name the CVD risk factors for the patient, and although I enquired about exercise, I didn’t ask him how long the exercise was for.

5) Real patient with lots of lumps across his body. When I asked him, what was the reason he came in. He said..well, the hospital wanted him to come over and show the students his lumps. And when asking about the medication he took, he gave me a printed list of 10 drugs, and I just burst out laughing (probably not the most appropriate thing to do). And he said the list seems to bring a smile to every one. Anyway, wasn’t sure what half the drugs are for. And I examined lumps, lymph node, and was asked what part of the body drains into which lymph node. Then I was asked whether I thought the lumps are malignant. Hahaha. Apparently all 5 of us student had the standard answer, I don’t know, I am a medical student. Anyway, I think the guy had lipoma.

6) Lady trying to get pregnant has headache. Take a history about the headache, menstruation history, and contraception history. Oops, come to think of it, I forgot if she has any side effects from the pills. And do a cranial never exam. The examiner just sat away from us and didn’t say anything. It was so unnerving, and she looked really bored too. She cleared her throat during my exam and I freaked. I turned around to ask if I was doing something wrong, and she just looked bored and said, no. I was just clearing my throat. So it was just examination of visual acuity, visual field, movement, reflex, and sensation in the face.

Anyway~ just happy to get it out of me.

他在聖誕節的表演裡注意到了她。

她不知道他看到了什麼。當時她只是一個小配角，被抓去充當孤兒院裡的兒童。沒有任何台詞的她，穿著一件破舊的黑色T恤，上面貼著一塊塊隨便剪下來的紙方塊當作補釘。整齣戲，她就上台了五分鐘，擠在一群演員裡面，拿著禮物歡呼。就在那五分鐘，他看到了她。之後他向她的朋友探聽她的喜好。

“你喜歡什麼樣的男生？”　在漢堡店幫朋友慶生時，有人問她。

她有些詫異，歪著頭想了想，　“我喜歡一個會逗我笑的男生，一個覺得我是最適合她的女生，這樣就夠了。”

‘喔，要求不多嘛。’

“是不多。”

她忘記他們是如何開始在往上聊天的。應該是尷尬的開始吧？更尷尬的是，她才十四歲，而他已經上了大學了。不過他們兩個從來不提起這個事實。其實聊什麼她也不太記得了。只記得他常常寫詩給她，在聊天時會提到她很可愛，而她每次都用笑聲帶過去。跟他說話時，她是快樂的。不過，她始終不知道他長什麼樣子，而他每個禮拜卻跟她上同一個教堂。

“挪，這是我的手機號碼。”　他一天突然說到。

‘我沒有跟你要阿。’

“這樣你可以聯絡我。”

‘我沒有手機。’

“你可以用網路傳。”

‘喔。’

“你上網的時候，傳個簡訊給我。這樣我就可以回家上網跟你聊天。”

她沒有把號碼操抄下來，也沒有傳給他過任何簡訊過。那天下網後，她把他封鎖，刪除。然後刪了他寫給她所有的信，把日記裡寫給他的詩也撕了下來，之後又撕成了一條一條，然後在揉成一團丟近垃圾桶。

唯一捨不得丟的，是那些他寫給她的詩。