The Day You Went Away

**Rain


It has been raining several days. I have got sick and tired of it. It's so inconvenient that I have to ride about an hour to school. But it looked so different while drizzling at night. When lamplight lit up the raindrops, it became illusions.


It is a pile of salt spread into the air. It looks like insects swarmed to the light. It would be many sweet-scented osmanthus blooming all at once. It likes tiny pearls floating in the air. It is my beloved's kiss falling on my face. In that cases, I might be in love with rain.


Sometimes, I would go to the hill not far from where I live. It's not difficult for me to hike the hill. There are a lot of people exercising there. One of the reasons I went there is to wear off the fat. But I never make it come true. The opposite mountains catch fire from time to time. The whole mountain would became a brown colossus. But after few months, the mountain was back to green. It impressed me that the plants on the mountain have such exuberant vitality.


**Life


That is a beginning of a life.


There was a child wobbling on the lane. She tried to use her steps to experience the world. The steps may not be so steady, but she adjusted every time she took a stride. Just like a seed begin to germinate. We all have never known what the next we would come across.


That is an ending of a life.


On my way to school, I saw people crowded and blocked the road. I thought the throngs of people are those who protested against President Chen at first. But soon I realized that was a traffic accident. During passing the traffic accident scene, I saw a big white cloth covered an object. I believed that under the cloth is a human body. There was a ambulance stood by. If there was a dead dog or cat in the middle of the road, that would be a different situation. People usually don't treat other species as a treasure as a human.

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他說，愛情對他目前來說是內在價值。


我不語，其實也無力反駁，對愛情的解釋每個人本來都有他不同的方式，用自己的經驗去看待別人的狀態是很不客觀也很無禮（什麼時候我又在乎起客觀這回事來了？）。


有內在價值當然就有外在價值，所謂的外在價值的事物就是當你追求某種東西的目的，其實是為了要追求這個東西背後的東西。好比說鮮少有人是為了追求錢而賺錢的，賺錢的目的當然是為了追求金錢所帶來的便利及享受，而追求便利及享受也是為了要追求生活上的幸福和快樂。因此不論是金錢、便利或享受這都是追求者的外在價值，而當追求幸福和快樂的背後如果再也想不到其它的目的，換句話說，追求幸福和快樂成為追求者的最後目的，那就幸福和快樂便成為追求者的內在價值。


他是那麼努力又急於解釋分析所謂的內在價值和外在價值（另一方面他又特別強調內外價值都是有價值的東西，所以沒有貴賤之分），然後又說追求愛情對他現階段而言是最後目的，他是為了愛情而追求愛情，並不會因為愛情沒有為他帶來幸福快樂而放棄愛情。於是我介意他這段話，因為這不是我要的愛情樣貌，如果愛情不能為我帶來幸福快樂，便決定捨棄，也許會在得不到幸福快樂而拘泥一陣子，心存一線希望等待愛情的改變。但是當發覺頹圮的愛情不能再修復，我就會離開這滿目瘡痍的廢墟，不再流連忘返。

**The teaching style


I decided back to G.V.O. in order to get a chance to practice speaking. I always hope I could speak English like a native speaker. I chose Hazel's class because not many students choose her class. She hardly speaks mandarin and never uses difficult words in class. So I can get her every single word and feel free to talk to her.


I realized I was totally wrong while I was stepping into the classroom. More than ten students packed the classroom. And I had no choice but to take a seat far away from Hazel. I can't believe Hazel wouldn't change her style of teaching. She always has no exact topic every time I join her class. Her class is more like chatting class, not teaching. Sometimes she even whisper to the students close to her. What kind of the way people would call it teaching?


"What is your purpose studying English here?" A little girl in the same class asked me.


"I have paid for three years' class. That's why I am here."


"I appreciate this kind of people like you. I think I would never study hard like this."


"It's nothing to appreciate. I just do what I have to do."


Every word I told her is true. In my age, to have a skill is not enough. You have to force yourself to learn some extra skills such as foreign languages, computer, technique. Or you would be eliminated through the competitions in society. I just wouldn't lose my ability to earn a living.


**Sound of birds


There was a girl sitting in a talk show on TV. The title of the show was "What is going on with cosmetic surgery." I couldn't find out what kind of appearance problems the girl has. And after a while the girl started complaining her appearance such as her protruding jaw and too-small earlobes. Even though the other people in the show didn't think that is a big deal. But the "imperfect" girl said all her friend kept joking with her protruding jaw and pull her jaw to tease her. She also wanted to have bigger lobes and she can wear as many earrings as she want. She has always envied some of her friends have big beautiful earlobes and wear a number of fancy earrings.


It reminds me a news report the other day. A girl didn't satisfy with her feature. So she went to the hospital and asked for plastic surgery. After twice plastic surgery, she still unsatisfied the results. She kept asking doctor do the third surgery. But the doctor disapprove of her idea. The doctor said she has to wait a period of time to do the next surgery. The girl would not take the doctor's advice. And she ended up committing suicide.


I got a new idea from Professor Diamond. She said birds can sing many musical notes. They also can communicate to the others. We don't know just because we don't understand birds' language. This is something I never thought about. So I think if we care about something we don't know or something we should know more often, it would be a good way to shift attention. To care less about myself may quit taking unnecessary pains to work on an insignificant problem.


**The stray dogs


On the way back home, I saw a dog lay on the roadside. I learned that he was not sleeping there because I noticed some liquid emerging from his body. His blood even flowed through the road. He is a quite big dog. You would be scared how much blood he had bled. He probably was hit by a vehicle. He used to be someone else's dear pet. Now he ended up dying beneath the wheels.


My boss told me he used to raise a dog as a pet. But after the dog ruining his couch, my boss freed the dog. Actually, the outside world is very dangerous. It's more dangerous when you stroll along the road. How could you be sure to make a small muddled animal safe along on the road? Sometimes release could be the equivalent of execution.

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1. 我痛恨這樣的鬼天氣，尤其是突如其來的滂沱大雨，更是令我痛恨。不過最最痛恨的還是當我在室內的時候一點雨也沒有，一出室外就又下起大雨了。除了極度痛恨，我簡直氣到想不到更好的形容詞來咒罵，等雨停再來想好了。


2. 聽到Christine娓娓道來她的疼痛覺得很不忍，她常常痛到只能躺在床上哭著等止痛藥的效果發生，這一等往往是二個小時，想想有多少個兩小時是不經意地被自己揮霍的？儘管如此，她還是極力去表現她最光明的一面，於是作為旁觀者的我聽了更是難過。


3. 我決定不再把頭髮剪短，因為那是你喜歡的樣子。


4. 有些燃眉之急的事就被我這麼擱在一旁，然後假裝沒事地過著我平靜的日子，不是我不擔心不介意不放在心上，只是覺得該發生的事情一旦發生之後，解決的辦法總是出奇不意地出現，這算是我太樂觀了嗎？


5. 雖然鬍鬚爬滿了他整個下巴跟臉頰，可是依然嗅得出來他保有的年輕氣息，那一個個年輕的樣貌逼視我的衰頹，讓我有些不知所措。我也曾擁有青春的果實，只是我從來不曾好好享用，於是當英美小說的蘇老師說青春期應該是一個人最精彩的時期的那一刻，我竟然心虛了起來。


6. 別跟愛情打交道，我說。因為那持有給予愛情的一方會要求把你的專情交給他，在你被說服之後交出了你的感情，他卻說：你真的很專情，但我不是。然後才驚覺在愛情之下沒有所謂的平等互惠原則，不是你給出去了什麼，就會回收到什麼。一下子，就必須要再重組你原來的價值觀。


7. 規定自己每天要唸一篇原文詩、至少一個日語句型、一篇短短的德文會話，還有幾句韓語。朋友總問我為什麼要學這麼多用不到的語言，他們得到的回答也是：沒為什麼，就只是單純的喜歡，我甚至不期待哪天真的用上了。

I still remember what the white lies my mother told me when I was a child. When I didn’t finish my rice, even if I just left one in my bowl, my mother always warned me that if I don't finish it all, I would marry a ugly woman whose face have a lot of pockmark. While we have leftover after dinner, I would be demanded to dump it to hogwash containers. Once I didn't do it appropriately, Thunder God might strike me to die. My mother forbade me to tap chopsticks on bowls. I might be a beggar next life. Don't point the moon directly, or it would cut your ears off. "Don’t you think the quarter just like a sickle?" my mother said. Don't even think about doing evil things such as stealing money, telling lies and doing something go against your conscience. Because there is a God right above your head, not very far from you, watching everything you do. And you would get the retribution by what you did. Don't eat chicken's feet, or you would tear all your textbooks sheet by sheet. And you would never get a good grade in the future. Your comprehension ability on what you study would disappear. Never have a chance to get it back.


To be honest, I was really scared out of my wits and believed that might be truth about the white lies. I can understand some of those. It is a pure motive to ask you "finish your rice in the bowl" or "dump leftover in a hogwash containers". Perhaps you wouldn't waste food if someone told you so. Especially when experience poverty, waste of food shouldn't be allow. I would consider "don't point the moon directly" not only show your respect to the God on the moon, but also it is impolite to point someone else directly. When children couldn't differentiate between good things and evil things and parents can't keep an eye on them all the time, tell them about "the God above your head" might be a good idea to keep them away from doing something bad. No matter how hard I try, however, I never figured out why my mother always admonished me not to eat chicken feet. What is the connection between chicken feet and grade? It could be my mother is too selfish to let me eat the feet so that she could enjoy all the chicken feet by herself. This is the only story I wouldn't buy. So once I eat one chicken foot in secret after she preparing dinner. When my mother found out what I did, she huffed irritably "Why you don't listen to me? Now you would never get a good grade and would be a worker in a factory the rest of your life!" I think my mother was right about that. I already spent most of my time working in factories.


Recently, we received many bad news. Someone destroyed the rail and led to a terrible accident. Government asked money from big firm owner for taxes but the owner rebuked the government and said it practiced communism. And more and more scandals were uncovered. Since we got some white lies to prevent the young from doing evil things. Why we don't have some to prevent adult from doing something bad? A teacher in German class said when he was a kid, he attended a relative's funeral. He happened to see a picture of eighteen stories of hell. Inside the picture, he saw a variety of punishment. Someone was cut off their tongue for telling lie. Be thrown into the boiling wok for invading and occupying someone else's property or wives… so he never has nerve to do something bad. "We already have eighteen stories of hell. Why should we need 侯友宜?" he joked.