April 14, 2006
第三封真心話＞最初／曇星
思念如風，總在記憶逐漸模糊的時候，悄悄的被喚醒。
多年以後，翻閱一本我曾經送給妳的書，署名：雲緣的我，幾乎忘了最初的戀情。或許緣份像雲的聚散離合，不是我們可以影響左右的，也註定了最後的結局。泛黃霉味的蝴蝶頁，寫下幾行應該冷靜面對的「石碩碰撞理論」，如何成為一顆圓潤的鵝卵石。我們都該再接受人情的磨鍊，減少磨擦，以免被銳利的角，傷了彼此。春夏秋冬，不停的更迭，記不清的人和事，就留給時間當成一道謎題吧。要不是閒來聚會，妳拿出珍藏的相片，我再也記不起那段青春歲月。人總是不停的往前走，後來不知過了多少寒暑，感情也隨之變淡了。沒有魚雁往返的日子，我聽到妳即將結婚的消息…。
妳可知，當時我被妳的焦慮感染，忐忑的心變成一艘無法靠岸的船，擱淺在外。還在服役的我，對於未來有些許的茫然，我選擇將心飄流於海洋，失去了停泊的勇氣，更無法給妳一個肯定的答案。數著我曾寄給妳的信紙影本，還有妳寄給我的信箋，都一一存放在塵封的角落。偶而拿起，被蟲蛀的字跡依然清晰可見，即使引發我的過敏性鼻炎，也要重溫那段往事。萬籟俱寂的時候，我遙望遠處的燈火，猜想現在的妳正在做什麼？
我不知道是不是我很自私，保留了那份內心純白的情感，不願讓它告個段落，像霧遮住了山景，獨自一人迷戀。少了對妳一份深深的祝福，妳過得幸福嗎？少了一份對妳真誠的道歉，妳肯原諒我嗎？如果時光能倒流，初戀的我，最後會和妳步上紅地毯的那一端嗎？剛交往時，我曾經肯定的告訴室友，妳即將成為我的另一半，當時我有多麼的喜悅。可惜，世事難料，我敗給我的猶豫不決，我敗給我對妳的囈語承諾。現在留下信箋能代表著什麼？現在想著甜蜜回憶又如何？我能挽回什麼？
人生的舞台，有時平淡，有時令人百味雜陳。嘴裡含著玫瑰花露糖，甜蜜滋味在心底，和著一杯無糖的咖啡，苦澀的開始芬芬的餘味，再綴一口吧！我認真思考著我的真心，究意被誰分享了，是山上的溶雪，是松林的低雨，是禪寺的花香？我的最愛又是誰？一張白紙，隨意的筆觸，塗滿了萬紫千紅的絃惑。迷失的是我，不是別人。
昨夜露水伴著滴落窗簷的回聲入夢，清晨濃霧襲面而來，感覺有一絲寒意。穿梭絢爛的流行都巿，徘徊鄉野僻靜的小屋，我想要什麼？我想我再也找不回那單純無染的初心了。我懷念童稚的笑聲，思念一列北上的火車；我聆聽河畔的溪語，領悟樹梢輕脆的鳥鳴。可惜再回首，已匆匆數十載。我在回憶的深井，不停的挖掘，不停的挖掘，越陷越深，試問誰核准了我的傷心？我無法預測未來，只是我依然愛妳，愛著最初那份純純的愛，沒有添加任何雜質的最初。
（本文作者的部落格連結：http://diary.blog.webs-tv.net/a6699）
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